The Angel of Hope Community Forum

Some concerns that our last Angel ceremony was "too Christian" what are your thoughts on that? I know we need to reach a broad audience but it is an Angel of HOPE and FAITH.....Any suggestions? Suzie

Hello Suzie,

I am writing as both a Board member for the Angel of Hope in South Bend and a member of the steering committee and (bereaved parent) for our local The Compassionate Friends (for over eight years). I understand what you are saying, as this does come up. During programs, as well as our monthly TCF meetings, we do not focus on religion, but God does come up in the conversations. In many cases, He is the reason people have survived, and that discussion is ok to talk about! Our programs occassionally have prayers also, but they are not sermons. It is a fine line, I know. Our groups try to remember that you cannot please everyone, and it seems like there will always be someone who is not happy. I remember at one candlelighting service, a man was angry because our program didn't pray. Our main focus on our programs is Hope.

Deb Starkweather

Hello there,

I thought I might weigh in on this subject. When my daughter died in the early fall of 2005, I had a lot of what I call 'Christian' remarks thrown at me. I'm sure you've had some of the same..."God doesn't give you things that you cannot handle", "you're lucky, now you can understand the sacrifice that God made when he allowed Jesus to die", and some worse ones like "you cannot question God's plan, she was not meant to live and grow".

I realize that for some people these comments could have brought them comfort. I can respect that. But they only brought deeper despair, more questions, and of course loneliness and anger. Those initial remarks made it difficult for me to distinguish between their comments and what God was really saying to me. I found most of my comfort away from those people, and those comments. I did not balk at the idea of praying or involving God in my healing process, I just was extremely uncomfortable with other people always coming at me with it.

I think there is a fine line...one that we as bereaved parents can walk better than anyone. I have been spending time with a woman from Bangladesh(a Muslim) that lost a child. It has been such a wonderful and challenging part of my journey to discuss my pain and healing in a way that is helpful to her - without referencing Christianity. I found it has enriched my life and given me more "tools" in which to live without fear and to embrace the sadness without allowing it to evolve into despair.

Although everyone in our chapter here in South Bend IN (like everyone else) approaches this differently, I'm proud of how well we've balanced spirituality vs. religion, grief vs. hope in our ceremonies and our interactions. You're already on the right track by asking the questions. With your willingness to help as many as people as possible, I'm sure you'll design a program that feeds your soul and is respectful to others who are walking a parallel path on a very different journey.

Good luck and if you would like to see a sample of one of our programs - I'll see what I can do.

Laura
Cassie's Mom

Hello Suzie,

I got a note from you in my home email box, asking to see our programs. I don't see it on the Forum, but I am going to answer here anyway!

Please email me (deb1109@comcast.net) your last name and address, and I will drop a copy of the programs that I have.

Good luck on this! It can be a challenge -- I would say that having only 2 out of 400 people complain are pretty good odds. I believe I said it before -- you cannot please everyone all the time.

Deb Starkweather
South Bend, IN